Conflict with students or colleagues can feel stressful. Yet disagreement, tension and friction are normal and can be vital to problem-solving, growth and strengthening relationships, says Elise Krumholz, assistant director of Restorative Justice and Student Conflict Resolution within the Dean of Students Office.
As MSU Denver enters Dialogue and Civic Engagement Week, learn how implementing some simple, intentional and proactive practices can help employees prepare for and normalize challenging conversations.
Create shared agreements
“Shared agreements, also known as group norms, are guidelines that team members adopt and observe to help them collaborate and communicate more effectively,” said Krumholz.
Specifically, shared agreements help:
- Clarify a group’s communication goals and needs.
- Cultivate trust by sharing ownership of the group dynamic.
- Model how to talk about conflict.
- Foster a conflict-positive environment, which makes space for listening, sharing and exploring perspectives.
- Build relationships by exploring differences and commonalities.
Shared agreements can apply to departments, programs, team meetings, student-employment groups or workshop facilitation. They may include a wide variety of topics, such as work arrangements, meeting facilitation and communication approaches.
While they can be implemented at any time, Krumholz recommends co-creating them with classes or cohorts at the start of the semester or when new members join a team.
- Explain the concept: Shared agreements “are an aspiration, or collective vision for how we want to be in relationship with one another.”
- Explain the importance: This discussion creates space to have challenging conversations while also engaging in learning. Shared agreements help members remain grounded and foster respectful disagreement.
- Explain the process: We will take 15 minutes to co-create shared agreements by answering a few questions:
- What are your hopes for how members communicate with one another?
- How can we hold ourselves and each other accountable?
- When there is conflict, how will this group respond?
- How do we want to work together to achieve our goals?
Krumholz also recommends writing down the agreements and asking for edits and clarifications.
“Reframe language as needed to reflect constructive conflict,” she said. “For example, ‘Don’t gossip’ may become ‘What’s shared here stays here. What’s learned here leaves here.’”
Revisit norms often
- Display agreements in shared spaces for quick reference (post in Canvas or the classroom or office setting, etc.)
- Refer to them when providing feedback or facilitating discussion: “Thank you for engaging our shared agreement of challenging the idea, not the person just now” or “I wonder if our shared agreement of taking a pause and returning to this topic during our next session would help us move through this conversation in a more productive way.”
- Encourage students to discuss norms before starting a group project.
- Use norms to check in at the beginning of class or a team meeting throughout the semester or before and after a particularly hard conversation.
Learn more and see examples
- Creating Community Agreements With Your Students
- Respect difference? Challenging the Common Guidelines in Social Justice Education
- Community Agreements in REJI Organizational Toolkit & Guides
- Schedule a Bringing Restorative Justice to the Classroom Workshop
- Bring a dialogue to your classroom or team meeting
Metropolitan State University of Denver also has a variety of resources and programs to support students, faculty members and staff members in handling conflict, including counseling, an employee-assistance program, student conflict-resolution services, the University ombuds and more.